Goals are important
So, the other day I came across a list of New Years' Resolutions for 2005. This is interesting for a number of reasons that I can't really go into right now. I thought it might be worth a butcher's, at least to see how I've stacked up since then.
- Quit smoking (I don’t smoke, but if I want others to quit I guess I have to lead by example).
Successful! It was a struggle, but I managed to quit smoking in January 2005.
- Accidentally win the Nobel Prize for Literature.
Alas, the Nobel Prize remains beyond my grasp, although by never getting around to writing those books, I can at least say that any awards would definitely be accidents.
- Trap spammers in their secret caves in Afghanistan, then take ‘em out with laughing gas and lock them in a room somewhere without Internet access… forever.
I suspect I'll be hearing from my lawyer if I spread rumours about alleged illegal activity I've allegedly performed.
- Get a pay raise. [Looks into the distance, hears muffled Russian cursing] You’d better make that two.
Well, I got a new job, which was a payrise, then another new job, which wasn't (but was in a better industry). So we can check that one off, too.
- Resist any temptation to explain the poor joke used above.
What?
- Accidentally lose twenty kilos ("honey, did you check behind the fridge?").
Actually, I did lose twenty kilos. But it wasn't an accident. And I've still a long way to go.
- Finish Gormenghast (I’ve got about thirty pages of Titus Alone left to go), and not let my love for the first book be diminished by the idiocy of the third.
I don't even know where Gormenghast actually is, let alone how it ends. Actually, I'm reading half a dozen books concurrently right now, so Gormenghast evidently featured significantly more highly on my list of priorities than it does now.
- Stop describing everything I dislike as “idiotic". Just most things should do it.
I've gotten pretty good with this, actually. Maybe I've grown up. Maybe I'm just more subtle. Maybe my intellect has lowered.
- Finally send those bloody mix CDs I promised Nick many moons ago.
Oh, heck. Does Nick still live in the same flat? Does anyone else remember him? I have no current contact details.
- Marry Elle McPherson.
Alas, she still remains alluringly beyond reach.
- Single-handedly save the world from alien invasion.
I considered it, but I wasn't in the mood at the time, so Will Smith did it for me.
- And most importantly, buy more socks.
Successful! No-one can accuse me of lacking socks. Well, they'd better not.
So, that's 2004. Obviously I'll have to be more realistic in 2007. How does this sound?
- Needlessly quit smoking again, just to be a prick.
- Write that book. Heck, even manage to write the second chapter. Write more in general.
- Code more. The weblog was a good start.
- Lose another 20 kilos. Steadfastly refuse to check behind the fridge.
- Get a payrise. A good one, so I can buy more stuff. Then don't buy more stuff, so I've actually saved some money.
- Nick's CD. If he still lives there. Maybe throw in some Sinatra in case he's moved out and been replaced by some nice blue-rinser.
- Be less self-absorbed, but also less self-affacing. Try to cultivate exactly the right level of mindless self-preoccupation appropriate to a member of my generation, and no more or less.
- Give up on Elle McPherson. Really. I mean, gosh, kid, she'll be a grandmother first ...
Apart from the payrise, this list actually looks achievable ...
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